So, we’ve got this new movie, “Love Hurts,” which sounds like it should be a fun, action-packed romp, right? Wrong. This is less love and more like hurt feelings for anyone who actually cares about cinema. It’s a film that takes a promising cast and a potentially interesting premise, then squanders it on a script that feels like it was written by an AI that only knows clichés and has never seen a real human interaction.
Let’s start with the action, because that’s supposed to be the draw here. It’s all flash and no substance. The choreography looks like it was lifted from a middle school talent show, where everyone’s just trying to remember the steps rather than sell the fight. The camera work during these scenes is so frenetic, you’d think the cinematographer was fighting a bee, which only adds to the confusion rather than the excitement.
Character development? What character development? Ke Huy Quan plays a former hitman turned realtor, and while he tries his best to inject some life into this cardboard cutout of a role, the script doesn’t give him much to work with. It’s like they gave him a character arc written on a napkin, smudged with coffee stains, and said, “Go for it.” The romance between Quan’s character and Ariana DeBose’s is about as believable as a politician’s promise – forced, unconvincing, and you’re left wondering why anyone thought this was a good idea.
The plot, if we can call it that, is a mess. It’s like a Valentine’s Day special that got lost in the mail, arrived late, and then was opened to reveal it was meant for someone else entirely. There’s an attempt at humor, but it falls flatter than a pancake in a steamroller factory. The gags are so predictable, you could set your watch to them, and not in a good way.
The supporting cast, with names like Marshawn Lynch and Sean Astin, are completely wasted. They’re given roles so thin, you could read the newspaper through them. It’s a pity, because with a better script, these actors could have added some depth or humor, but instead, they’re just there to fill screen time.
The direction by Jonathan Eusebio feels like he’s trying to mimic the success of other genre films without understanding what made them tick. It’s all style and no soul, with an over-reliance on gore that feels cheap rather than impactful.
In terms of narrative coherence, “Love Hurts” is like trying to follow a conversation at a loud party where everyone’s drunk – you catch bits and pieces, but it’s all a blur. The film tries to juggle too many subplots, none of which are given the attention they need to be compelling or even comprehensible.
This movie isn’t just a letdown; it’s a cautionary tale for filmmakers. It shows what happens when you prioritize a catchy title and a marketable cast over actual storytelling or character development. “Love Hurts” is the kind of film that makes you appreciate when Hollywood gets it right because this one, ladies and gentlemen, is a swing and a miss so wide, it’s practically in another zip code. If you’re looking for love in this movie, you’ll only find heartache for your wallet and your sense of good taste.
